Conjure up Romance: Basic Steps in Love Spell Casting - free ...

The casting of a love spell is a powerful thing. The combination of words and action can lead to magic and change your life forever. Spell casting has been used for centuries by love struck individuals wanting to take charge of their destiny and alter the course of their lives. The power of a love spell is not to be taken lightly. Before attempting to cast a spell on the one you love, learn the basics of spell casting.

The first step in spell casting is to think about what it is that you would like to see happen. It is crucial that you be very clear about what changes you would like to create. It is reckless behavior to cast a spell on an innocent person for the wrong reasons, and your harmful actions can in turn bring about bad karma. To avoid this, examine your reasons for wanting to cast a spell and know exactly what outcome it is you are looking for.

The second stage in spell casting involves eliminating what it is that is blocking you from your love. Perhaps the one you love has been hurt before and is wary of falling in love again? Or perhaps the person you have always adored is simply blind to your affection and needs to be given the chance to see you in a different light. The elimination stage allows you to proceed with your spell casting, but be aware that it is not always easy to move past this stage. In order to discover your barriers, you can use one of two techniques: meditation or pendulum work. Both techniques involve quieting your mind and accessing a means of communication with your inner self. To achieve either of these states, practice a simple meditation technique by sitting calmly with your legs crossed and concentrate on one small part of your body. As you concentrate on the tip of your nose, for instance, your mind will drift away from the immediate and conscious world and will move beyond, to your subconscious mind. Whether you meditate quietly in this fashion or use a pendulum to will yourself into a state of near hypnosis, your aim is to delve into your subconscious to find the true cause of what is preventing you from being with your great love.

Before deciding on which basic love spell to use in your quest for love, go through the necessary cleansing process. This involves finding a room that can symbolically serve as your special place, and with only candlelight to guide you, rinse your hands clean of any potential negative energy and residue. To prepare a cleansing mixture, simply mix warm water with salt.

As you learn more about how to cast a powerful love spell, know that there are many spells that may be the perfect way to change your life. As mentioned, do not attempt to cast a spell without first taking these few measures. Also know that a spell is given its strength through the sheer power of your mind. You must believe in the spell you are casting and you must concentrate in order to successfully find love. Good luck and may you find true and everlasting love!
Dating Tips - Find the Right Man- Get Him Back

Online Dating: How To Outflank 90% of Your Competition by Grant Adams

You’ve probably read it a 100 times.

“The battle is either won or lost before it begins. ” That’s Sun Tzu – the brilliant, ancient military strategist.

You’ve learned it from the best sports coaches – the game is won or lost before it begins.

From outstanding athletes, attorneys, political candidates - mental preparation and a commitment of the spirit to victory before the game, the trial, the election, will often determine victory.

You are entering an arena right now. As real as a boxing ring, a tennis court, a courtroom, a job interview.

Your playing partner may not in the same room as you, but she is in your arena. And you need the same mental preparation that an athlete needs to triumph in any arena.

Now it’s time to make an important mental shift. Are you ready?

There is a competition going on in this arena, yes. But you are not competing against women to “beat them” into getting them into bed.

The competition is with yourself. It is to see if you defeat, or let go of your lesser self, and craft your best self by first mastering the signifiers with which you represent yourself.

The women at the other end of the fiber optic cable are not “enemies” to “conquered, but your allies in mutual joy and exploration. Women want you to be an awesome, attentive, strong guy. Offer her that, and victory is both of yours.

But there's one thing you need to know about women.

They are much smarter than you.

According to Barbara and Allen Pease, who wrote Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps, while men need to witness tears or a temper tantrum or be slapped on the face before he even has a clue that anything is going on…

”As childbearers and nest defenders, women needed the ability to sense subtle mood and attitude changes in others. What is commonly called ‘women’s intuition’ is mostly a woman’s acute ability to notice small details and changes in the appearance or behavior of others… Nest defenders, to safeguard their family’s survival, needed to be able to pick up small changes in the behavior of their offspring that could signal pain, hunger, injury, aggression or depression. Males, being lunch chasers, were never around the cave long enough to read nonverbal signals or the ways of interpersonal communication. ”

In other words, women are EXPERTS at reading signifiers. So you need to become expert in how you deploy them!

Far and away the most important set of signifiers you send are those that convey weakness or strength in a man. At reading these, women are Einsteins. They are bloodhounds, they are nuclear-powered Weakness Sniffing Machines.

That’s their job. That’s their wiring. Don’t fight it. As the Taoists like to say, “ride the horse in the direction in which it is going. ” Roll with it. Smartly.

What's your lesson here?

Women often say they like vulnerability in a man. But don’t make the mistake of confusing vulnerability and weakness. Without understanding this key difference, you are sunk!

Men who succeed online are careful to build a structure with their photos and with their opening profile lines of

Strength
Authenticity
Reliability
Trustworthiness and
The moral high ground

These signifiers must be delivered in both a subtle and sure-handed way.

Step Two, then, is to lay in the vulnerable center, or what women call “heart. ”

It is to your advantage that dating sites are rife with guys who open by calling themselves things like, “NiceGuy643” or “ANiceMan” or “YourMomWillLikeMe. ”

They think they are being cute, but they are, to put a fine point on it – repulsive to women. Women can “sniff out” the desperation, the neediness, the submissiveness of these men. They start weak and women rarely read past the first lines.

Strength first, vulnerability second. Sprinkled with humor, and subtle promises of sensual wakefulness and – most importantly - a life more exciting than theirs, and you will find that success is only a simple click away.


Attention All Facebook And MySpace Users... Transform Your Computer Into a Seduction Machine!

How To Attract Women

How To Attract Women

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Where to Meet A Man

Finding and meeting a man is not as hard as it seems.  There are several places that you could frequent, in person and on the internet, in the search for the man of your dreams.

1.  Online dating sites.  The rule here is to make sure that your profile lists your interests.  So many women create vaugh profiles, or their profiles only list superficial interests like movies, sports, walks on the beach, etc.  Try to be more specific...what kind of movies? what kind of sports and do you participate in that sport or just enjoy watching it? where are the beaches you like to walk on?...etc.

2.  Sporting Events:  Most men like sports of some kind.  Go to sporting events of any kind.  Go to sporting shops.  Find a sports forum on the internet and join it, etc.

3.  Grocery stores:  Men have to eat too.  You probably are thinking..."I shop every week and I've never met a man at my grocery store".  Well, perhaps you are not looking around you?  Pay attention to those men that you pass in the aisles...make eye contact, offer to help them if they look confused, but most of all SMILE as you pass them in the aisles.

4.  Church functions:  If you are set in your religous ways, this is probably the best place for you to meet your potential soulmate.

5.  Friends and Family:  Everyone has their own family and network of friends and their friends and their friends, etc.  Finding your dream man this way is entirely possible.

6.  Discussion Forums:  What interests do you have?  Search on the internet for relative forums.  There are discussion forums for every subject imaginable.  Join one or two that interest you, post a current photo of yourself, and create an accurate profile.

Open up your heart, be honest in your self-descriptions (verbal or written), and smile-you wouldn't believe how many men get turned on by a simple smile :)

How To Attract A Man

How to Attract a Man
Attracting a man is no more difficult than finding food in a refrigerator, if you know what to do. Using five simple techniques, you too can become a man-magnet and find a man for your life. Don’t worry – all they take is a bit of confidence and know how… but this confidence and know-how stems from the person you already are!
Be Independent
No man wants to be the only source of entertainment for his woman. At first, it may be fun, but after a week or two it would get old – and fast! Instead, be sure that you’re a well-rounded woman who knows what’s interesting, amusing, and fun. When you’re the woman that knows all the interesting, cool stuff around town, then you’re the woman men want to hang out with and know better. Because, who better to have fun with than someone who knows what really is fun?
Be Fun-Loving
Along those same lines, you must be fun-loving in order to attract a man. I mean, really – who wants to hang around with a Debbie Downer, someone who never sees anything in a good light? No one wants to play with a pessimist, so instead look for the fun in life. Go on adventures, and don’t be afraid to try new things. They’ll not only afford you new opportunities to find a man, but you’ll no longer have to sit around by yourself and instead do things you love!
Be Glamorous
Now, I’m not saying run around with three pounds of makeup on your face or a ton of plastic surgery. In fact, neither of these will attract a man past one night. Instead, be glamorous unto yourself – find those things which highlight your natural beauty – whether it’s your fabulous eyes or beautiful lips. Highlight those things which make you stand out in a crowd – so you really will stand out in the crowd. And, by showing off what you know is beautiful, then you gain confident and moxy that can’t be bought, sold, or traded.
Be Intelligent
You must be able to have a conversation with a man beyond work matters or sex.  Men love women who are confident enough to talk about anything interesting – whether or not they’re interested in them too, as well. For example, even though your guy may not be interested in art, hearing your expertise and passion in that area is a total turn-on for most men. So, don’t be afraid to show off those things that really ignite your soul – because that kind of passion is contagious!
Be Expressive
No one likes hanging out with someone who doesn’t smile, so make sure that you’re properly showing men how much you’re enjoying yourself. Smile, flirt, and be happy – because nothing else will attract a man more quickly than a woman who is laughing and is comfortable about it.
As you can see, it’s easy to attract a man. Confidence plays a huge part in getting their attention, but with your newfound skills in being expressive, showing off your intelligence, being glamorous, fun-loving, and independent you’ll snag a man in no time!

Survive Infidelity - How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make Which Prolong Mistrust And Misery

For a couple to survive infidelity, the general theme is the cheater wants to get on with the relationship and quickly move past the affair, while the injured party prolongs the misery and mistrust. And with good reason. It is difficult to "move on" once you have been devastated by an affair.

If both you and your husband want to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a process. After the initial shock of the infidelity has settled, it is not so much the "sexual act" which is the most difficult to survive, but the deciet, disrespect, lies and lack of loyalty that has taken place. The lingering feelings of deception and mistrust do not immediately go away once the affair stops.

Here are 3 mistakes most women make which prolong the mistrust and misery, and most importantly, how to avoid them:

Mistake #1 - Visualizing The Details and Playing It Over And Over Again

The number one mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is visualizing the details of the affair and playing it over and over again in their minds. Envisioning the "what, when, where and how they did things" is destructive to your sanity and will prohibit you from rebuilding your marriage.

To survive infidelity you must learn to take control of your mind and stop the negative visualizations. Understand it is natural to doubt your husbands loyalty but unnatural for you to torture yourself with "thoughts of them. "

Tips to help rid yourself of unwanted thoughts are

-Be aware of when negative thoughts are taking over so you can learn to change your thought pattern

-Become aware of what triggers your negative thoughts and images

-Make a conscious decision to stop yourself when these thoughts and images appear

-Stop telling yourself and others that you can' t stop thinking this way - because you can

-Realize you are in control of your thoughts and need to distract yourself with other people, things and places to keep your mind occupied

-Make a written list of 10 things you are grateful for and pull it out and read it every time your negatative thinking begins

Mistake #2 - Trying To Put The marriage Back To "The Way It Was"

The number two mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is trying to put the marriage back to "the way it was. " For a couple to survive infidelity, both must realize there was a fault line in the foundation of their marriage for the affair to happen in the first place. Usually feeling underappreciated, misunderstood or a communication break down between the couple has occurred prior to the affair. There are many online resources available for couples willing to repair their marriage and find new ways of communicating.

Tips to help you create new ways of communicating are:

-Stop yourself from falling into the same communication patterns as were present prior to the affair

-Accept the marriage will not be the same as it was prior to the infidelity

-Get professional counselling or find online resources to help you develop new ways of communicating

-Learn to listen to your partner rather than jumping in with a response

Mistake #3 - Focusing on The Affair Rather Than The marriage

The number three mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is focusing on the affair rather than the marriage. For obvious reasons feelings of anger, rage, hurt, betrayal and disappointment are all natural and must play a part in the healing process. Keep in mind, if you did not care about your husband, none of these feelings would be arising. Therefore , once you have both made the decision to survive the infidelity and save your marriage, focusing on the affair rather than the marriage is destructive and futile.

Tips to help you focus on your marriage again are:

-Every day make a list of things he did right

-Ask yourself why did you fall in love with him in the first place and does he still have some of those same qualities

-Take time away from the everyday routine to spend quality time together

-Find new activities and things you are both interested in doing together

-Designate specific times to discuss the marital issues and solutions on how to make the marraige stronger

Ultimately, your husband carries a large responsibility in trying to help you alleviate your mistrust and misery. It is after all, his indiscretions that created the breakdown of your relationship.

Realize that if you are both committed to saving your marriage, there are many ways that you can restore the trust which was lost to the affair. Take responsibility for avoiding the three most common mistakes many women make. If you put in the daily work, you and your husband will be among the many couples that have succeeded in regaining the trust and surviving infidelity.

Mike

So You've Been Betrayed - 7 Steps on How to Survive Betrayal

You’ve met the person who makes you feel so special. It feels wonderful to be in love and now you are married hoping that this relationship will last your life time. Years have gone by and marriage has been good to you - so you thought. You begin to notice some different behaviors from you spouse which at first you ignore. For awhile you begin to wonder if something is going on but you brush it off. After all, the last thing you could ever imagine is that your spouse is having an affair. You don’t even want to go there. You begin to piece some things together and your spouse denies everything until the day comes when your spouse gets caught in all their lies.

For those of us who have experienced situations like this, we know that betrayal runs deep and can be devastating. Trust has been torn apart and the unthinkable has just happened. You life has just been thrown into a tail spin and probably your anxiety is making you feel sick. You may even want to get back at your spouse for the pain and humiliation you are now going though. Possibly the only thing you can think of is how to get even so your partner will hurt as much as you do. Is it possible to heal from the pain and humiliation of betrayal and adultery? Is it possible to forgive someone who has hurt you so badly?

Betrayal happens to everyone at some point in our lives. Betrayal can occur with a spouse, a family member, a best friend or a co-worker. Most people who experience betrayal saw the signs, but continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt. The reality is that people will fail you. Only 25% of all betrayal occurs with absolutely no forewarning. This is by far the most difficult type of betrayal because it leaves you shell shocked and devastated.

Betrayal is an interpersonal trauma which shatters assumptions about how we view life and the people close to us. Shattered assumptions leave us feeling as though our reality has been blow apart. When we are betrayed our feelings alternate between a sense of numbness and feelings of disbelief. We may also find ourselves behaving erratically and not like our usual selves. We feel victimized and our lives seem to be out of control.

So how do we heal from being betrayed? We begin by developing the skills to deal with strong negative emotions and to talk more effectively about the impact the betrayal had. This may require setting appropriate boundaries with each other, learning how to deal with emotions effectively and expressing how you feel about the infidelity. Next you look at both the current and the developmental issues within yourselves and within your relationship that may have contributed to the affair. Usually both parties have an idea as to why the affair may have happened but they are often unaware of the deeper or unacknowledged needs or motives from their partner’s past history which may be impacting on current behaviors. Gaining this new understanding often results in an increase in compassion for the partner and tolerance of his or her flaws. Finally, as a couple begins to understand why the affair happened, they need to evaluate the viability of their relationship, the potential for change, and their commitment to work together. This is when the process of forgiveness becomes the focus of intervention. No matter if you choose to stay or leave, because of other circumstances you may always be in some form of relationship. Therefore it is important to heal the emotional rift between yourselves as best you can. This is why forgiveness is so important. Let’s now look at how you can heal from being betrayed.

Step 1: Face Your Feelings

While every situation is unique there are certain things that we can do to lessen the pain. Once the betrayal is revealed an emotional roller coaster ride begins. You more than likely will get swept up in an emotional whirlwind of anger, fear and a sense of loss. Realize that you are not going crazy. Others have experienced the same pain and confusion and have survived. Remember that you are not alone. I want to assure you that what you are experiencing is a normal and an appropriate response to an acutely traumatizing experience. You’re reeling not only from the loss of the integrity of your relationship, but also from the loss of an illusion – that you’re special to your partner, and that the intimacy you thought you shared with that person would last forever. In the face of such shattering news, it would be strange if you didn’t feel lost. This may seem paradoxical but once we acknowledge and walk through our pain, only then does the pain begin to dissipate. This is where a counselor can really help. Talking to someone who listens to you and can be supportive in a healthy way can help you sort out what needs to happen.

Step 2: Gain control of you Emotions

As you try to unscramble what has happened to you, both your thoughts and actions may spin out of control. You’re likely to become more obsessive, dwelling on your partner’s lies, the details of the betrayal and the events that led to it. You may become more compulsive at work and other things you do, pushing harder and more frenetically to diffuse your anxiety. These distractions may serve as a temporary antidote to feelings of anxiety or emptiness, but if you want to put yourself back together, you need to slow down, confront your pain, figure out why the affair happened, and decide what you want to do about it. Instead of hanging on to the “story” of your betrayal, give yourself permission to heal. Look beneath your emotional reactions and ask yourself, what are my emotions really telling me? What needs to change and what can I do to take those necessary steps. You can not change what has happened to you but you do need to take responsibility for how you are handling the situation now.

Step 3: Ask yourself “Should I stay or Leave?”

Once the betrayal is out in the open, you will need to decide whether to work on rebuilding your relationship or end it. You will need to confront your ambivalence about whether to stay or leave the relationship. Which ever route you take, you need to chose it deliberately and not act on your feelings alone. Feelings, no matter how intense, are based on assumptions that are often highly subjective and may prove to be unrealistic, not useful or untrue. What feels right to you now you may later regret as an impulsive and unprocessed response that can’t be easily reversed. By exploring your options, you will be able to make a thoughtful decision based on your circumstances and needs. “What can I expect from love?” “Should I trust my feelings?” “How can I tell if my partner is right for me?” These are just some of the questions to be asking yourself. A counselor can help you sort out your answers.

Two of your options will take you down a dead end. The first option is to stay together and never address why the betrayal happened or work to assure that it will never happen again. This is a ticket to disaster, creating a larger gulf between you leading to a life of quiet desperation.

The second option is for you to stay together, with at least one of you continuing to be unfaithful, only to have the other continually fighting depression and building up enormous rage. Needless to say this is a very unhealthy option built on a lot of dysfunction and clearly indicating a lack of self-love. In all my experience as a therapist working with couples, I have never known a prolonged affair to do anything but undermine a couple’s efforts to seriously address the intimacy defects in their relationship.

This leaves only two viable alternatives. One is the decision to accept what has just happened and make a commitment to work on improving your relationship. The blind spot here is for the hurt partner to go in denial about the relationship because of an unwarranted attachment to the spouse that makes you want to stay together, no matter how dysfunctional the relationship is. What the betrayed person falls to see is how unloving your partner has been toward you, how poorly you continue to be treated, and how nothing you do will change this.

The other alternative is to say goodbye and begin building separate lives. The danger for the unfaithful partner is that you may be drawn blindly to your lover and insist on being with this person no matter what. We may call it romantic love but in actuality it is an intense but unwarranted attachment that the unfaithful partner may feel towards their new lover. Unfortunately this kind of attachment is likely to make the unfaithful partner leave their spouse no matter how satisfying your life had been together.

Step 4: Learn from the Affair

So often we blame our partner for what goes wrong and fail to see the link between our personal, lifelong conflicts and the conflicts in our relationship – between the damage we carry within ourselves and the damage we experience as a couple. In attempting to assign responsibility for the infidelity, hurt partners tend to think, “You were screwing around with someone else. Don’t blame me.” Unfaithful partners tend to think, “You weren’t there for me; you drove me away.” Both of you are likely to insist on your own, perhaps self-serving, certainly contradictory and often oversimplified versions of the same conflict.

Instead of blaming yourself for your partners’ betrayal, appreciate your worth, know you are enough just as you are, and recognize that the betrayal had little to do with you. On the flip side, if you’re stuck in a cycle of intense anger and blame towards your partner, you need to decide if you can start to let go and rebuild your relationship, or if it’s time to walk away and move on. To help you decide whether to stay or go, it is helpful to understand the origins of the betrayal. Most people who cheat and/or betray in some other way suffer from low self-esteem. They may have a high need for acceptance and approval. If your partner fits this description, you need to decide if you can deal with and heal from the betrayal or if you need to leave your partner in order to recover. Either way, it’s essential to stop taking the betrayal personally. Instead, free yourself from the blame game, live in the present, and move forward with productive, positive thoughts.

Step 5: Restore Trust

One of the most devastating aspects of betrayal is the break down of trust. Once trust is broken it can be very difficult to rebuild it and it must be earned back. To restore trust actions speak louder than words. Feeling safe becomes paramount here. If the person who has been betrayed can not feel safe, trust can not be built. The betrayer needs to demonstrate with concrete actions that “I’m committed to you. You are safe with me.” The person who has been hurt needs to open up to the possibility of trusting again and reinforce the efforts of the other person. You can’t punish nor be cold and distant forever, or our partner will give up trying to reconnect. You need to tell your partner what you need to give this person a way back into your life.

When I speak of trust I am not only referring to the belief that your partner will remain faithful to you. I am also talking about the trust essential to you both, that if you venture back into the relationship, your partner will address your grievances and not leave you regretting your decision to recommit.

While it’s easy to fall into the betrayal trap of massive mistrust towards your partner moving forward, be aware that projecting your fears will not help you heal. If you plan to stay with your partner, you’ll need to focus on rebuilding trust. If you can’t forgive, then don’t waste time staying in the relationship and trying to make your partner pay for their past transgressions. Instead, give yourself the opportunity to pick up the pieces and start again. Start by learning to trust yourself and your life choices. Instead of focusing on your ex and the betrayal (not to mention past relationship disappointments that may be adding up to a mistrust in yourself right about now), think about all the amazing people in your life who you can trust, including yourself. Make a list of ten fantastic choices and decisions you’ve made in the last few years. Reflect on the people who have kept your confidences, honored their word, and stuck by your side. Soon, you’ll be slaying the beast of betrayal and going from victim to victor. Plus, by slowly and steadily rebuilding trust with your partner (or simply with yourself if you leave the relationship), you’re better able to let go of fear, doubt, and insecurity.

The process of restoring trust can take a lifetime, but this doesn’t mean you will have to struggle with trust issues on a daily basis. Your relationship is likely to feel fragile and tentative for several years after the affair is revealed, but during that time you can expect to experience many reassuring, joyous moments as well. Trust is delicate and can only be earned over time through commitment and continued effort. With trust comes the knowledge that “I can give myself to you knowing that you won’t harm me – that you’ll support me in what matters to me. I can open myself up to love you because I feel safe with you and valued by you.

Step 6: Find Forgiveness

Forgiveness is considered the highest form of love that we are capable of giving. If this is true it is no wonder that we have such a hard time forgiving someone who has betrayed us and even in forgiving ourselves. To aid us in learning how to forgive it is helpful to understand what forgiveness means and what it’s not. Forgiveness is a voluntary act in which you make a decision to see a situation differently. Forgiveness helps us change the way we think so instead of seeing a situation through the lens of anger, guilt or fear we see it through the eyes of compassion and understanding. Instead of getting stuck in your own emotional baggage you can now see the situation differently with greater wisdom and understanding. That’s forgiveness.

I like to think of forgiveness as the science of the heart, a discipline of discovering all the ways of being that will extend your love to the world and discarding all the ways that do not. It is the accomplishment of mastery over a wound. Forgiveness is a process through which an injured person first fights off, then embraces, then conquers a situation that has nearly destroyed him or her. On a deeper level forgiveness is about changing the way we think which includes embracing our humanity and spiritual nature and the humanity and spiritual nature of all human beings.

Forgiveness is not about pardoning. It is about our inner emotional release. Forgiveness is not condoning. We do not have to accept someone else’s behavior in order to forgive. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We can forgive someone, but it does not mean we have to reconcile. On a very practical level forgiveness is about lessening your own emotional burdens and healing the pain of your heart. Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook. It is about your own inner healing.

It takes a generous spirit to understand that people do not always hurt us because they choose to. Oftentimes, they have no more control over their actions than we, their victims, do. Only from our wisdom and compassion can we recognize that when people harm us, it is their weaknesses that compel them to act. People who attack us act out of fear to protect themselves. Fear drives us into a hard shell. It shuts the door on our capacity to understand, empathize, and love, while allowing distrust and enmity to guard against being touched from the outside world. To compensate for this perception, we often harden ourselves so that others cannot gain access to our inner selves or discover our shortcomings.

Forgiveness is a process that happens over time. Before we can truly forgive, we need to realize that forgiveness is about our inner healing and not necessarily about behavioral change. Until we totally understand that we may needlessly deal with resistance about forgiving someone. We heal by remembering, by brining back into our awareness everything we have kept hidden from ourselves. It takes time to bring these pieces together. This process begins by telling our story and validating our feelings and experiences. Only after time and being in a safe environment can we allow ourselves to feel and express our strong emotions and to explore the issues concerning our pain and circumstances. As we become more aware and accepting of all our emotions as valid messengers about our interaction in the world, we begin our healing. If we are holding onto something, we need to recognize that, despite any other person’s role in creating the situation, we are responsible for what we do with our hurt. Forgiveness is about accepting responsibility for our emotional reactions to our hurt.

What may be harder than forgiving your partner is forgiving yourself. No matter if you are the one who has been hurt or you are the one who has hurt looking within yourself and dealing with the guilt of the past is no easy process. Yet, if we do not do this kind of soul searching and inner work our outer world may be superficial at best. If you have been betrayed you may be blaming yourself too harshly for your partner’s betrayal. You may have contributed to your partner’s dissatisfaction for example by getting buried in your career or in the needs of your children. When you take a look at these issues and take responsibility for them you will be able to let go of your guilt and move on.

If you are the betrayer, you are solely responsible for your deception and need to forgive yourself for the harm you have caused by violating your covenant of trust. You may also need to look at the hurt you have caused your children. By taking responsibility for your actions and making different choices you heal guilt and move forward. Remember that holding on to your guilt is a choice too. Self-forgiveness doesn’t relieve your of responsibility for your words or actions, but it releases you from self-contempt. With self-forgiveness, you bring compassion and understanding of who you are and why you acted the way you did, and reclaim what you most value in yourself.

Step 7: Hope and Renewal

Sometimes you need to take something apart to rebuild it in a stronger, more lasting way. Erik Erikson, a well known psychologist has said, “A crisis can be a turning point; by making you vulnerable it can heighten your potential for positive change. Sometimes it takes the threat of losing something to make you realize its value. Until you feel compelled to leave, you may not realize you are happy where you are and want to stay. Carl Jung, a famous psychoanalyst also commented, “Seldom or never does a marriage develop smoothly and without crisis. There is no birth of consciousness without pain.”

And so it is with intimate relationships. We often enter into them blindly swept up with passion and an idealized perception of who our partner is. Most of us are totally unprepared for what lies ahead, and ignorant of what is required of us to stay the course. We may think that we know what it takes but the truth is that most of us are clueless. The affair shocks us into reality. It also gives us the opportunity to try again.

For further information please contact:

Dr. Eileen Borris
erborris@cox.net
480-951-0544

Attract men / women / get your ex back (for men and women)

Does Online Dating Really Work?

Give Online dating a Try

If you were to have asked that question to dating singles a few years ago the answer would be a resounding "no". Experience over the past few years as results are coming in from online dating services the answer becomes a bit more positive yet conditional. Just as dating the traditional way requires time and effort a successful online dating experience requires about the same commitment. You wouldn't necessarily expect a romantic true love relationship to develop in a traditional approach if you were to never call or only spend five minutes a week on meeting a perspective match. Additionally , if you never dressed up for a traditional date you might be waiting a long time to meet the true love of your life.

Put your best face forward. All online dating sites provide their members a place to post personals ads. This personals ad space is your billboard. It gives other singles a five-second-look at you so use every tool in building your personals ad. Some online dating services provide you with the ability to upload a picture, audio clip and even a video clip of yourself. Don't pass on these opportunities. Posting a video clip on your personals ad space is a huge advantage over those who only post a photo. Singles and perspective suitors will linger at your ad longer and video and/or audio clips give them a unique connection to you. It is true that personals ads with pictures have an 80 more desirable.

As technology improves more online dating sites are beginning to introduce audio and video chat. These services provide online singles a way to see and hear the other person. This is a tremendous advantage. Seeing a photo and chatting through email or in a chat room is great for learning more about a person but actually being able to talk and see that other person is paramount. Spending time just talking with someone and learning by observing their body language tips the scales a bit away from the old traditional approach.

dating sites that spin the personality profile as the definitive solution for matching singles are no substitute for actually spending the time getting to know the other person. There is no conclusive evidence that personality matching really works. Really getting to know one another is the best solution. There are no shortcuts to finding love. There are, however , tools that make it more fun, safe, and convenient for meeting other singles. Pick an online dating service that offers the most and the latest tools for meeting singles. Be prepared to put some time in on developing your online relationships. Log onto your dating service and hang out in the chat room, send casual messages to other singles that you would like to learn more about. Remember online relationships can be very fulfilling and long-lived. Give them the time they deserve.

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How And Where To Meet Eligible Men

So you're a woman looking for a man... First off, you have to "know" what kind of man you're looking for, and then go wherever it is you'll most likely find that kind of man...

What kind of man are you looking for? It's a new world we live in, and believe it or not, you can find whatever kind of man it is you want! If you're looking for a husband, a meal ticket, a sugar-daddy, a lover, a father, or a companion - there's a man out there for you. The problem is, of course , to find the man that has enough of "all the things you want in a man" to satisfy you.

There are lots of eligible men available, and with just a little bit of intelligence, there's no honest reason why any woman wanting a man cannot find the man of her choice. The thing is, as mentioned already - you've got to know what kind of man you want, and where you'll most likely find him - and then, reach for him.

Men are just like women - they want a woman they can belong to, and call their own. People have to interact with other people in order to maintain a healthy equilibrium; and men have to interact with women on a personal basis in order to go on living. These are undeniable facts relative to the nature of human beings.

Most men have the same kind of shyness, inhibitions, and fears of rejection that women have - the only difference being that the male of our species has been trying to cope with these feelings in regards to meeting women, a lot longer than women have in regard to meeting men. But it's a new world - there's a lot more women out looking for men - and a lot of men seem to be caught up in their own problems, and unaware of the eligible women around that might like to become acquainted with them.

Thus, it's now necessary for a woman to make the first move when she spots a man that interests her and he doesn't make that first move.

What we're saying is simply this: Nowadays, whenever and wherever you spot a man that you'd like to get to know, and for whatever reasons, he doesn't seem to notice you, for sure, you should make that first move towards becoming acquainted. Say you're at a dance and you spot a man that interests you, by all means don't be hesitant to walk over and ask him if he'd like to dance with you. Or should you be having coffee somewhere and you spot a special man, simply tell him that you don't like being alone and would he like to join you.

Really, there's honestly nothing out-of-line or brazen about spotting a man that interests you, walking up to him, and telling him you find him appealing enough that you'd like to find out more about him. Most men will be flattered by your attentions, and if they are the kind of man you "sized" them up to be, they'll appreciate your breaking the ice for them. One other thing to understand - women are almost always "looking for" men while most men are where they are, doing what they are doing, for any one of a million different reasons.

In essence, you meet eligible men by frequenting the places you're most-likely to find the kind of man you want to meet. You have to make yourself available. Then too, if you spot a man you think might be one that you'd like to get to know better and he doesn't make the first move towards the two of you becoming acquainted, you should make that first move.

It's as simple as that. In most instances, the same fear and shyness - maybe even embarrassment - you're feeling, is haunting the man, and unless one of you makes that first move, another opportunity will have slipped through your fingers. Don't be afraid to walk right up to a man and tell him: You look as though you're all alone - do you want to talk for a minute or two...

We know of some women looking for men, perhaps because of an inability to just walk up to a man and start talking or maybe just because they have a flair for innovative approaches to the idea, have had business cards printed up, and hand them out to the men they see that look interesting to them. The wording on the one that most appealed to us was as follows: Hello there.

Please forgive my intrusion, but you strike me as someone I should know. My name is Mary Anderson, and if you've got a spare minute or two, you might give me a call at 123-4567...

You've got to have it firmly in your mind, the kind of man you want to meet. Then you've got to make yourself available in the kind of places that kind of man is most-likely to frequent.

Most assuredly, when you search for such a man, you should look, dress, and act according to what you feel will most appeal to that type of man. All men notice a woman who looks good, so you should do whatever is necessary to bring out your best features - a little make-up in the right places, a new hairstyle, a few figure-flattering clothes - and the kind of conduct that you feel will appeal to your kind of man.

Now then, the easiest and surest way of meeting eligible men is through the social activities of your local "singles" club such as Parents Without Partners, Singles International, and Servetus. Most such groups sponsor regular dances, dinner parties, rap sessions, and any number of other activities designed to bring divorced and/or single people together.

Lonely Hearts Correspondence Clubs are okay, but then.. meeting someone via correspondence, and learning to love them as result of what they write in their letters to you, is sometimes disappointing and a hard situation to get out of when you finally do meet them face-to-face.

Most of the Date-A-Mate services are okay, particularly those that employ video tape interviews, but the prices you pay for their introductions are beyond reason. Generally, the success rate of these services - that of matching you with a man that you end marrying, and staying married to him - is less than 10-percent. Some of them are just glorified "dating or escort" services.

Attending church in search of an eligible man sometimes works out, especially if the church sponsors dances, parties and group outings. However , there's not as many eligible men going to church in search of eligible women these days as there used to be.

If you have an outgoing personality and enjoy the whole scene, you can generally find lots of eligible men in the bars and taverns. The thing is, you have to "find" the bars or taverns that are frequented by the age group and kind of men that meet your needs.

You'll find a lot of "more financially secure" men in the better "motor inn" and hotel bars. About all you have to do is drop by and join in all the action when there's a convention or gathering of people from out of town in one of these places.

It's then that you'll find many of the "local eligibles" out on the town, plus of course a lot of men from out of town who are looking for women. In this kind of situation, most of the man will make the first move and once you become acquainted, they won't be in any big hurry to make any real commitments.

To find the action - where there's sure to be lots of eligible men - look in your local newspaper... Look for advertisements announcing square dances, neighborhood picnics, travel tours, and of course, festivals or similar special events. When you go to one of these activities, you've got to mingle with the people there, keep your eyes open for a man that may be the one you're looking for, and then - do your thing to become acquainted with him. Once you spot a man you'd like to become acquainted with, it's basically all up to you whether you do or don't.

Another one of the surest places of meeting eligible men is in the evening classes at your local colleges. If you're not familiar with their services, just give the college office a call and ask them to put you on their mailing list for bulletins and notices of up-coming classes being offered.

Most colleges are now offering any number of seminars, classes and even short courses designed to help people rebuilding their lives after a divorce. These classes are always well-attended, and those that attend are eligible. One of the best ways of meeting new friends while improving yourself.

Finally, and by all means, enlist the help of your friend and co-workers in helping you to meet new men. Tell them you'll be happy to come to their parties if they'll invite some of the eligible men they or their friends know. And then, you should have few parties, invite your friends and ask them to bring along or invite some of their unattached male friends.

Work is generally an easy place to become acquainted with eligible men, but there are any number of risks involved - such as those that are already married. The important thing is to make your self available - know what kind of man you want - and then do what is necessary to meet him.


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Adult Online Dating: Why Pay When You Can Get it For Free?

So you want to find a date. Perhaps even meet a woman or man for an intimate encounter. It's virtually impossible to make the proper connection in a bar or at a club. So you find yourself clicking your way through websites online. Welcome to the world of adult online dating.

But whether you're new to the adult side of the web or you're a seasoned visitor, you've probably asked yourself, "Why pay for a dating membership when I can surf sites like MySpace for free? I mean come on. You simply create a profile on the site to "find friends" and within minutes, you have twenty friend requests from drop dead gorgeous men and women.

Sounds like heaven doesn't it? If you need even more of a selection to choose from, you just have to type in an age, gender, sexual orientation, and a zip code and you are on your way to pages full of members. All for free!

But wait... what happens when you take a closer look at the men and women who appear to be interested in an intimate encounter? A particular woman may look promising at first. You find yourself looking at her provocative picture, imagining what she must be like in person and reveling at how photogenic she is. You click through her profile, getting excited and choosing "more pictures" to see just how beautiful she really is.

But lo and behold, there's only one picture. And tons of links to other websites promising more pictures of her in even more provocative clothing, if any. Whew! However , when you click one of the links and a porn website pops up requesting your credit card number, you realize the woman doesn't even exist.

No date for you, my friend - unless you want to get friendly with your computer monitor.

When Free isn't Better

Unfortunately, the gorgeous, provocative women of MySpace are either professionals who aren't looking for dates and are sick of the hundreds of men messaging them on MySpace, or they're fake profiles created by webmasters from adult sites. These fake profiles are used to lure us to their porno websites hoping we'll take streaming video in lieu of a personal encounter.

And can we really blame them? It's a free advertising venue for them. But that doesn't change the fact that you're left empty handed. Or worse, you're not left empty handed... and that's not what you had planned for the evening.

You Get What You Pay For - If You Want an Intimate Encounter, Use an Adult dating Website

If it's free, you're likely to come up with zilch. Nada. No go. Besides, a monthly membership at an adult dating website costs less than dinner and a movie for a single date. Wouldn't you rather skip the formalities? You can if you use a site where the people you're looking at are looking for no frills, get-to-the-point intimate encounters.

So instead of using Myspace and dealing with a webmaster scam or all the dating hoopla, pay a small fee and join a website that specializes in adult online dating. It is extremely easy to create a profile and you will be looking at hundreds of men and women who want nothing more than a randy evening with YOU.

Guarantee a Legitimate Encounter

Another great thing about using an adult dating website is that the singles on the site are legitimate. In fact many sites guarantee that there are no fraudulent profiles. So go ahead, take a few minutes and see how true adult dating beats the pants off of free sites like MySpace.

Have You Ever Felt Invisible?

I was having Post College flash backs the other day and remembered a syndrome I came up with when I was out in bars. It was called Invisible Mans Syndrome. I could actually walk right up to a woman and start talking to her and she wouldn’t even see me standing there.

The Syndrome would also occur when I was in a conversation talking to someone, another person would walk up, and all of a sudden I was no longer part of that conversation. Instantly invisible! It made me wonder, was I the only person that experienced this? In searching on the Internet I found that feeling invisible was a very common feeling among the handicapped, the feeling that people don’t see them, and if they did, they didn’t see them for who they really were. But what if you aren’t handicapped?

As I searched for other articles and stories I found a lot of people felt this way for one reason or another. And for many it was a very serious problem.

According to Dr . Margaret Paul in an article titled “Are You Invisible” she writes “How often do you end up feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued? How much of this is a reflection of how you treat yourself? ” She ads if your own feelings and needs are invisible to yourself, they will end up being invisible to others. I found lots of sites where people discussed this syndrome. Many felt it’s because they wanted to be invisible. They didn’t want interaction with others, and since they felt this way that’s what they projected to other people.

I found songs about being invisible, books about being invisible, newspaper articles and blogs about being invisible, all this visibility for the invisible.

One of the best ways of describing the possible reason for the syndrome was in an article called “Ask Philippa”. She was answering a letter from a woman who felt invisible, and she told the story of a beach trip she took with a friend of hers who wasn’t in great shape or that attractive but had a ton of confidence. We all know somebody like this. Philippa worked hard to be in shape and look good, yet she was filled with insecurities, and focused on the fact there weren’t many single guys at the resort. Her friend met a great looking guy and had an amazing trip while Philippa had a lonely vacation.

A lot of it boils down to attitude and mindset. As I look back on those days of feeling invisible, it had a lot to do with how I felt about myself. If I had confidence and thought I would meet someone I always did.

While this is no guarantee that you will always do well, at least you’ll give yourself a chance. If you feel invisible, that’s exactly how people will see you, or won’t see you.

Copyright 2006 George Siegal


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Dating: How

Are you a lonely man?

When was the last time you went out on date with a sensuous, sexy and beautiful woman?

Would you like to spark up your romantic life?

It has been reported that there are more single women in US than available men.

And if you ask most single beautiful women they will tell you that they have a problem finding their dream men because all the good guys seem to have been taken.

Most single men are so shy that they are afraid to go out to meet eligible single beautiful women.

Here are a few dating insights to help you to meet alluring, sexy and beautiful single women.

Most men are afraid of being rejected by beautiful women.

Most men spend thousands of dollars going to nudie bars, cabarets and watching internet porn.

This is why internet porn became the most lucrative business on earth.

The question is why will these men spend a lot of their time and squander thousands of dollars on porn instead of meeting real, live beautiful women of their dreams?

The reason may be because it is safer to “meet” and play with pornographic photos and videos of beautiful women than real live ones.

The picture of a beautiful woman will not bite you or nag you or throw pans and pots at you or sleep around!

It is the stuff that fantasies are made of.

A fantasy will always be a fantasy.

It will never satisfy you.

Only the real thing can satisfy you.

But to have a real, live woman cost a lot of money and requires responsibility.

It can be a lot of work going out to dine and wine them and carter to every of their desires and cravings.

For this reason, it is a shame most men find it more attractive to watch porn than to go and find real live beautiful women to date.

Another reason is that most men are looking for entertainment.

Besides food and sex, entertainment is one of the shortest roads to a man’s heart.

But unfortunately most women are oblivious of this fact about men’s mind.

This is why most married men and as well as attached men will always have the tendencies to watch porn, go to nudie bars and cabarets and in extreme cases even visit prostitutes. Even though those women that men see in porn may not be as beautiful as their wives and girlfriends, but they are infinitely more entertaining and attractive.

This should be the answer to the puzzling question most women have, “Why these men have to fool around despite the fact that they have beautiful women such as they are? ”

The answer is that most men are not just looking for good sex and good food, they are looking for fantasies and entertainment.

That is why nude strippers, dancers and porn actresses attract a lot of both married and unmarried men!

Just being beautiful is not enough to most men.

A woman has to be entertaining too. Some people call it “sex appeal”.

But that is not entirely the correct term.

Entertainment includes a woman’s personal magnetism, the way she talks, walks, behaves, dresses, cooks food, eats food, makes love and the style with which she does everything while in a relationship with a man.

But unfortunately, as soon as a man wins the heart of a woman, most of them begin to take the relationship for granted.

This is usually when most women stop being entertaining and so boredom will creep into the relationship and most men will be compelled to go out to have affairs. Most women have the mistaken belief that if they give their men good food and sex that everything will become alright because those are what men are looking for.

But as the high rate of divorces in America shows, this is a mistaken belief.

The number one thing most men are looking for in a beautiful woman most likely will be entertainment, not just sex or food!

Unfortunately, most women don’t make it a priority, so their relationships will soon become boring and fail.

In addition to recent waves of women’s liberation, recessions, unemployment, most marriages and relationships have failed, and so causing the availability of more single women than men.

The latest figures on the number of divorces filed recently show that one out of every two marriages in America is falling apart!

This is putting a lot of single women in the marketplace, all of them looking for men.

Most of these divorced women may claim that they "hate" men and that they don't care if they ever see, talk to, or associate with men again - but that's just expressions of hot anger due to their divorces.

The bottom line is that most beautiful women are looking for good men to be their husbands or boyfriends.

So, if you're a man and you're out looking for a beautiful woman, some of the things you should get straight in your own mind are, what you want a woman for, how long do you want her, and what kind of woman will it take to satisfy your needs.

Your needs may vary with your moods, your financial situation, and your own lifestyle or mental adjustment to the world around you.

Thus, when you meet an eligible woman that you think can satisfy your needs, you must first do a little bit of an "analytical reading" pertaining to her needs for a man.

A lot of men fail in relationships because they never consider the needs of the women they meet.

They are selfish and too much into getting a woman to say “yes” and scoring with her.

They ignore the needs of the women, and so in most cases end up meeting the wrong women for the wrong reasons.

So here is rule number one to meeting the woman of your dreams:

A relationship must be satisfying both ways, (not just one way) for it to succeed and last a long time.

The more you can "find out" what she's looking for, and satisfy her needs, the easier it'll be for you to pick one that can satisfy your needs.

Please bear in mind that most women have a problem saying “No” to men.

So, they may not be attracted to you or like you, but nevertheless when you meet them they will say “yes”, and go out with you.

Don’t be fooled.

Don’t be deceived.

Wake up and face the reality.

Juts because a woman said “yes” to your advances and went out with you and even sleep with you doesn’t mean she likes you.

It doesn’t mean she loves you.

It doesn’t mean you two are compatible.

It doesn’t mean she wants to marry you.

These misconceptions are how most men end up with the wrong women and later pay heavy prices in various ways for their foolishness

If you go out with a woman who doesn’t really like you or attracted to you but who agreed on date because she was too shy or self-conscious to say “no”, in the long run after making a lot of investment in your relationship, she may leave you.

You’ll be a loser. And you’ll be miserable after she leaves you.

So, from the beginning, avoid making that fatal mistake.

Don’t go out with a woman just because she said “yes” or because she is available.

Go out only if you determine that there is a mutual interest and attraction between you two.

Go out only because she has what you’re looking for and can satisfy your needs as well as because you have what she is looking for and can satisfy her needs.

Unfortunately, it may be impossible to figure out what most women are looking for.

Women are very subtle.

You may need a lot of patience to figure out what they want because it is not always very obvious!

But most men are impatient.

A lot of time they think that getting a woman to say “yes’ and to go out with them and also have sex are all there are to meeting the women of their dreams.

And that explains why most eligible handsome men can’t meet the women of their dreams.

The more and faster you can "read'' what a woman is looking for, the faster and easier it's going to be for you meet the kinds of women you're looking for.

Now here is Rule number 2: humor and music.

Humor is the single most powerful secret to attracting women.

If you noticed, most beautiful women flock to musicians and entertainers and famous people.

Why?

It is simple.

Women are moved by emotions.

So, if you want to penetrate a woman’s heart like an arrow, you must learn to be humorous.

If you can sing too, you got it made.

No matter how ugly or how poor you’re, you’ll always have beautiful women buzzing around you.

And if you're sensuous and have a good job or a thriving business, to add to that, you’ll be the king of beautiful women.

So, learn the secret.

Women want men who are strong, have money, good occupation, who can protect them, who can take care of their needs in life and with whom they can have beautiful children.

Above all, they desire men who are funny, and respectable and if possible famous.

Fame is like an aphrodisiac to most women.

By being famous, you are attractive to many people and that turns a lot of women on.

Most women are turned on by men who are desired by many women.

So, the more famous you’re, the more a lot of beautiful women will desire you. When you see a woman that appeals to you at the bus stop or movie theaters or Laundromat or at your job or train station or party, don't be afraid to say “hello” to her and attempt to strike up a polite conversation.

Women hate to be ignored because it makes them feel as if they are not attractive.

Just saying “hello” to woman can lift up her spirit and make her day, whether she is interested in you or not.

They work so hard to make themselves beautiful, to do their hairs, to put up make up, and wear beautiful perfume.

So, when you meet a woman and ignore her, it can make her uncomfortable.

So the rule number two is to develop the habit of saying hello, whether or not you want to meet her. Just say, “Hello”. Got it?

It relaxes them.

Remember that a lot of women have been socially conditioned not to be friendly, not to be the first to say “hello” because they don’t want to be perceived as “cheap”, easy to date or a hooker.

So, when you meet woman, inside her mind, she may be dying to say “hello” to you but she may not dare do that.

And if you fail to say hello to her, especially if she is beautiful, you may spoil her day.

Women crave attention. It is like food to them. So be attentive and pay your compliments when you have a chance to do so.

So, if you want to be popular with a lot of beautiful women, learn to be friendly.

Most women are tense and uncomfortable around men because they know that men are always looking at them and judging them and thinking of them, and they are right!

So, be friendly even if you have no intention to meet her or to go out.

If you're looking for a woman, you've got to notice them anywhere and wherever you see them - and then, open your mouth -let them know that you'd like to get to know them!

Women are everywhere. You just have to open your eyes and begin to notice them and start being friendly!

The easiest and surest way of meeting eligible women is through the social activities of your local "singles" clubs, such as Parents Without Partners, Singles International, and the numerous computer dating services on the internet.

Most such groups sponsor regular dances, dinner parties, rap sessions, and any number of other activities designed to bring divorced and/or single people together.

Lonely Hearts Correspondence Clubs are okay, but in many of them you'll find the memberships inundated by women trying to sell you something or with some sort of designs to deal you out of your money.

Then too, meeting someone via correspondence -learning to love them as a result of what they write in their letters to you - is sometimes disappointing and a hard situation to get out of, when you finally do meet in person.

Most of the Date-A-Mate services are okay, particularly those that employ video tape interviews, but the prices you pay for their introductions are outlandish.

Generally, the success rate of these services - that of matching you with a woman that you end up marrying, and staying married to her - is less than 10-percent. Some of them are just glorified "dating or escort" services.

Attending church in search of an eligible woman sometimes works out - especially if the church sponsors dances, parties and group outings - but in many instances, you'll find that these church-going singles are either religious fanatics or neurotics.

The religious fanatic is a woman to run away from, as far as and as fast as you can, unless you're on a heavy duty religious trip yourself.

As for the neurotics, they're generally hung-up with guilt, anger, or martyrdom from previous experiences with men.

With a "swinging" personality, you can generally score well in the bars and taverns.

The thing is, you have to "find" the bars or taverns that are frequented by the age group and kind of women that meet your needs.

You'll find that the "higher class" women frequent the "motor inn" and hotel bars.

About all you have to do is drop by and join in all the action when there's a convention or gathering of people from out of town in one of these places.

It's then that you'll find many of the "local eligibles" out on the town, plus of course a lot of women from out of town who are looking for men.

In this kind of situation, most of the women are easy to pick up on and most of them are in no big hurry to make any real commitments.

To find the action - where there's sure to be lots of eligible women looking for men - look in your local paper... Look for advertisements announcing square dances, neighborhood picnics, travel tours, and of course, festivals or similar special events.

When you go to one of these activities, you've got to mingle with people there - keep your eyes open for a woman that may be the one you're looking for - and then, do your thing to become acquainted with her.

Remember, once you spot a beautiful woman you'd like to get to know, it's up to you whether you become acquainted or let her slip through your fingers.

Another one of the surest places of meeting eligible women is the evening classes at your local colleges.

If you're not familiar with their services, just give the college office a call and ask them to put you on their mailing list for bulletins and notices of up-coming classes being offered.

Most colleges are now offering any number of seminars, classes and even short courses designed to help people rebuilding their lives after a divorce.

These sessions are almost always "filled to capacity" with the majority of those attending, recently divorced women!

By the same token, for whatever reason, most divorced women return to college to either finish their education or to take some special course that will give them some sort of edge in finding work.

Check it out for yourself - it's almost a strange phenomenon the way divorced women are flocking back to college.

Finally, and if you have the time for it, you'll find an unlimited supply of eligible women in the cafeterias of just about any large office building, particularly government office buildings.

What you do is drop in and have lunch - become a regular - look the scene over and "reach out" for the one that appeals to you.

Remember, spotting a woman you'd like to have is no big deal.

The important thing is forget your shyness, inhibitions, and fears of rejections - Just walk right up to her and say something like, “Hello, I think I'd like to get to know you - could we talk for a minute or too? ”

Try it! You'll be pleasantly surprised with the results!

After all, most of these ravishingly, alluring, beautiful and sexy women are longing to meet you just as badly as you want to meet them!

So go out and make it happen, tiger…

And when you succeed, remember to take measures to protect your integrity.

Don’t sleep with a woman unless she consents to it.

If she says “No”, don’t assume that it means “YES”.

A “No” means no, a NEGATIVE. You got it?

It is no longer fashionable to assume that a woman’s “no” means a “yes”.

Things have changed. And you can no longer sleep with a woman against her wishes assuming she wants it because it is “macho” to do so!

Respect her wishes.

At the moment she may not be ready to have sex. But if you’re patient, sooner and rather than later, the time will be right for her.

And she will sleep with you.

Even though most women may feel, think and talk about sex more often than men, they are slow to be aroused and be in the mood for it.

To protect you from being accused of a date rape, you may have “consent” forms prepared.

Before you sleep with her, make her sign it, stating that you’ve not forced her in any way, and all sexual acts are consensual.

If a lot of men who have been falsely accused of date rape had the common sense to do that, they would have avoided the needless destruction of their reputations and jail terms.

And avoid bragging about your wealth. By doing so, you may ignite the natural greed in women. You’ll be setting yourself up to be ripped off by wrong women.

Avoid hypnotizing women.

Let the attraction between you two be natural and your relationship will last a long time.

If you hypnotize a woman at the beginning with wine, food, flowers, and a show of your wealth, yes at the beginning, she will be yours and you’ll have your way.

But one day, the hypnotism will fade away; she will come back to her senses, and will realize you’ve been the wrong man for her and leave you.

Many men spend fortunes on their women for many years hypnotizing them, until after some time, the women become immune to the hypnosis and so wake up and realize they made the wrong choice and so bail out.

These men feel betrayed and begin to lament that their women have ripped them off. They begin to label these women as evil and call them four letter names.

These naïve men fail to recognize the truth, that these women are not evil, rather it is them, (the men) who have been unreal and manipulative.

I have seen these “cry-baby” men going to TV shows like “Judge Greg Mathis”, Judge Maybelline’s “Divorce Court”, “Texas Justice” and “Judge Judy” to seek redress and make the judge order their girlfriends to pay back all the gifts they received during the course of the relationships.

Above all, remember to practice safe sex. To protect yourself, know who you’re sleeping with.

If possible, don’t sleep with any woman (or if you’re a woman, don’t sleep with a man) unless you know her/his herpes and HIV status.

May these dating secrets help you to find the woman of your dreams who will make you a happy man.

Warmly,

I-key Benney, CEO

Meeting Your Online Date For The First Time - Top 10 Safety Tips

So you're ready to meet your online date for the first time?

After a long time you feel like it's about time to find out who the person you've been meeting virtually online really is. You feel the urgency to come out and finally meet him/her for the very first time!

As many people who are beginning to experience this online dating world, you may have been chatting online with someone for a long time and you may feel that you know him or her well. However , this may not be true! Why? - You may ask. The reason is very simple... because your online "friend" may have been lying to you all the time! That's right. Unfortunately, this is something very common in many cases of the online dating world: -(

Online dating can be a very fun experience but it can also bring you deceptions. So , if you're ready to meet your online date for the first time, be careful about meeting him/her. You should especially be cautious about revealing personal information about yourself, just as you would when you meet a stranger for the first time. There will be excitement coupled with anxiety when you meet your online date for the first time, but you need to think about protecting yourself first.

Here are the top 10 recommended safety tips to keep in mind when you meet your online date for the first time:

1. First of all, let your date know that you want to meet him/her. However , forget about agreeing on being picked up from your home. You should take your own means of transportation. And although photos can be deceiving, you should have requested one from your online partner (preferably a recent one) beforehand so you have an idea who you'll be meeting with.

2. You should meet your online date in a highly trafficked public place. Also, a good idea is to take a friend along (who keeps out of sight just in case).

3. DO tell someone where you are going and whom you will be meeting. Fix a time when you will be calling them to confirm when you're back and safe.

4. Always use your own car to go for the date and make sure that you have sufficient fuel.

5. To avoid the feeling of being pressured, insist on splitting the bill with your date.

6. Be very careful if you choose to drink alcohol. Keep your glass in sight so that you are aware of what you are drinking.

7. In case you're getting a weird idea about the type of person you're dating, don't just ignore it. If for any reason you sense that something is not right, get out of there as soon as possible.

8. Never agree to meet your date in a lonely place. This is crucial!

9. Even if you're having a great time, keep on alert. Keeping a cell phone handy is helpful. It's much better to give your date your cell phone number, rather than your home phone number.

10. NEVER tell your date your address on your first date. You can make plans to meet a second time. You will have time to decide if you want to tell him/her where you live during this second meeting.

So there you have it. Ten of the most recommended safety tips to follow when meeting your online date for the first time. If you can keep them in mind, you'll be a step ahead in case something is not working as you expect. Good luck in your first real meeting with your online date; -)

Divorce Advice : Finding Happiness After Divorce

How to Attract a Girl � Amazing Advice to Attract the Girl of Your Dreams

Many men have difficulty in attracting girls and starting a romantic relationship with them. You have to know how to attract a girl fittingly before you can really expect her to return your interest. Apply these cool tips on how to attract a girl and start charming your way to her heart.

Think attractive. How would you attract that gorgeous woman if you don’t think you are attractive? Appreciate your looks and your body as they are now. If you feel attractive, a girl would most likely pick up on this; but if you feel ugly, she will also sense this.

Of course , this does not mean that you do not have to improve yourself physically if you find you can still lose some weight or work out for physical fitness. However , feeling attractive as you are now will help you draw women in.

Confidence is key. A confident man is very appealing to women. And it does not have to be a “loud” kind of confidence. A man who exudes quiet confidence in things he does is far more attractive than a man who boasts of his accomplishments. In fact , a man who boasts may actually have an underlying sense of insecurity, and thus, is not confident at all. This is definitely not how to attract a girl.

So , when you talk to a girl, exude confidence. If you have to talk about your accomplishments, mention them only briefly and lightly, in the context of a personal story.

Chivalry still wins! Even in this age of equality of the sexes, being a gentleman is still in, but recognize that you’re doing so not because women are inferior, but because you respect and cherish them. Open doors, pull chairs for a girl, and let her feel you respect her.

Be captivated. When you’re talking to her, show that you’re interested in every word she says. Make eye contact. Lean forward. Nod at appropriate moments. Do not check out other people, especially other women, while talking to her. Give her your full attention.

Give sincere compliments. A girl likes being appreciated. Find something you really like about her (it may be what attracted you to her in the first place) and compliment her on it. The more specific the compliment is, the better.

Never, ever give fake compliments. The girl will eventually see through you if you do. And besides, if you like her, why would you need to fake a compliment?

Make her laugh. A good sense of humor is one of the best assets a man can have in attracting a girl. Laughter can bring instant connection in a conversation. In addition , the girl will most likely be sure to remember you. Recall any previous experience when another person made you laugh and feel good, then apply that experience to the girl you’re attracted to.

Sometimes, you don’t exactly need to make her laugh, but keep the conversation light and fun. http://3e957e2cs3zpa5flf-q0x7nx31.hop.clickbank.net/

Apply these great tips on how to attract a girl and you’ll find meeting women enjoyable rather than nerve-wracking.

How And Where To Meet Eligible Men

So you're a woman looking for a man... First off, you have to "know" what kind of man you're looking for, and then go wherever it is you'll most likely find that kind of man...

What kind of man are you looking for? It's a new world we live in, and believe it or not, you can find whatever kind of man it is you want! If you're looking for a husband, a meal ticket, a sugar-daddy, a lover, a father, or a companion - there's a man out there for you. The problem is, of course , to find the man that has enough of "all the things you want in a man" to satisfy you.

There are lots of eligible men available, and with just a little bit of intelligence, there's no honest reason why any woman wanting a man cannot find the man of her choice. The thing is, as mentioned already - you've got to know what kind of man you want, and where you'll most likely find him - and then, reach for him.

Men are just like women - they want a woman they can belong to, and call their own. People have to interact with other people in order to maintain a healthy equilibrium; and men have to interact with women on a personal basis in order to go on living. These are undeniable facts relative to the nature of human beings.

Most men have the same kind of shyness, inhibitions, and fears of rejection that women have - the only difference being that the male of our species has been trying to cope with these feelings in regards to meeting women, a lot longer than women have in regard to meeting men. But it's a new world - there's a lot more women out looking for men - and a lot of men seem to be caught up in their own problems, and unaware of the eligible women around that might like to become acquainted with them.

Thus, it's now necessary for a woman to make the first move when she spots a man that interests her and he doesn't make that first move.

What we're saying is simply this: Nowadays, whenever and wherever you spot a man that you'd like to get to know, and for whatever reasons, he doesn't seem to notice you, for sure, you should make that first move towards becoming acquainted. Say you're at a dance and you spot a man that interests you, by all means don't be hesitant to walk over and ask him if he'd like to dance with you. Or should you be having coffee somewhere and you spot a special man, simply tell him that you don't like being alone and would he like to join you.

Really, there's honestly nothing out-of-line or brazen about spotting a man that interests you, walking up to him, and telling him you find him appealing enough that you'd like to find out more about him. Most men will be flattered by your attentions, and if they are the kind of man you "sized" them up to be, they'll appreciate your breaking the ice for them. One other thing to understand - women are almost always "looking for" men while most men are where they are, doing what they are doing, for any one of a million different reasons.

In essence, you meet eligible men by frequenting the places you're most-likely to find the kind of man you want to meet. You have to make yourself available. Then too, if you spot a man you think might be one that you'd like to get to know better and he doesn't make the first move towards the two of you becoming acquainted, you should make that first move.

It's as simple as that. In most instances, the same fear and shyness - maybe even embarrassment - you're feeling, is haunting the man, and unless one of you makes that first move, another opportunity will have slipped through your fingers. Don't be afraid to walk right up to a man and tell him: You look as though you're all alone - do you want to talk for a minute or two...

We know of some women looking for men, perhaps because of an inability to just walk up to a man and start talking or maybe just because they have a flair for innovative approaches to the idea, have had business cards printed up, and hand them out to the men they see that look interesting to them. The wording on the one that most appealed to us was as follows: Hello there.

Please forgive my intrusion, but you strike me as someone I should know. My name is Mary Anderson, and if you've got a spare minute or two, you might give me a call at 123-4567...

You've got to have it firmly in your mind, the kind of man you want to meet. Then you've got to make yourself available in the kind of places that kind of man is most-likely to frequent.

Most assuredly, when you search for such a man, you should look, dress, and act according to what you feel will most appeal to that type of man. All men notice a woman who looks good, so you should do whatever is necessary to bring out your best features - a little make-up in the right places, a new hairstyle, a few figure-flattering clothes - and the kind of conduct that you feel will appeal to your kind of man.

Now then, the easiest and surest way of meeting eligible men is through the social activities of your local "singles" club such as Parents Without Partners, Singles International, and Servetus. Most such groups sponsor regular dances, dinner parties, rap sessions, and any number of other activities designed to bring divorced and/or single people together.

Lonely Hearts Correspondence Clubs are okay, but then.. meeting someone via correspondence, and learning to love them as result of what they write in their letters to you, is sometimes disappointing and a hard situation to get out of when you finally do meet them face-to-face.

Most of the Date-A-Mate services are okay, particularly those that employ video tape interviews, but the prices you pay for their introductions are beyond reason. Generally, the success rate of these services - that of matching you with a man that you end marrying, and staying married to him - is less than 10-percent. Some of them are just glorified "dating or escort" services.

Attending church in search of an eligible man sometimes works out, especially if the church sponsors dances, parties and group outings. However , there's not as many eligible men going to church in search of eligible women these days as there used to be.

If you have an outgoing personality and enjoy the whole scene, you can generally find lots of eligible men in the bars and taverns. The thing is, you have to "find" the bars or taverns that are frequented by the age group and kind of men that meet your needs.

You'll find a lot of "more financially secure" men in the better "motor inn" and hotel bars. About all you have to do is drop by and join in all the action when there's a convention or gathering of people from out of town in one of these places.

It's then that you'll find many of the "local eligibles" out on the town, plus of course a lot of men from out of town who are looking for women. In this kind of situation, most of the man will make the first move and once you become acquainted, they won't be in any big hurry to make any real commitments.

To find the action - where there's sure to be lots of eligible men - look in your local newspaper... Look for advertisements announcing square dances, neighborhood picnics, travel tours, and of course, festivals or similar special events. When you go to one of these activities, you've got to mingle with the people there, keep your eyes open for a man that may be the one you're looking for, and then - do your thing to become acquainted with him. Once you spot a man you'd like to become acquainted with, it's basically all up to you whether you do or don't.

Another one of the surest places of meeting eligible men is in the evening classes at your local colleges. If you're not familiar with their services, just give the college office a call and ask them to put you on their mailing list for bulletins and notices of up-coming classes being offered.

Most colleges are now offering any number of seminars, classes and even short courses designed to help people rebuilding their lives after a divorce. These classes are always well-attended, and those that attend are eligible. One of the best ways of meeting new friends while improving yourself.

Finally, and by all means, enlist the help of your friend and co-workers in helping you to meet new men. Tell them you'll be happy to come to their parties if they'll invite some of the eligible men they or their friends know. And then, you should have few parties, invite your friends and ask them to bring along or invite some of their unattached male friends.

Work is generally an easy place to become acquainted with eligible men, but there are any number of risks involved - such as those that are already married. The important thing is to make your self available - know what kind of man you want - and then do what is necessary to meet him.


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The Modern Day Matchmaker: Ep #1